The Never Ending Search....

What is it that we're ultimately looking for?? Is it worth all the energy that we put in, only to realise, in the anguish of the moment, that all is lost ...

There are several instances of married couples who lead parallel lives outside their homes.

There are people who never could relate to the concept of commitment and monogamy.

Then there are those relations that develop on the net and those that develop in the office environment because people are more together with each other than with their respective spouses.

I often wonder what makes people fall out of love with their own spouses.

Does a man’s or a woman’s love for their children change, in the sense that if their children don’t turn out the way they want them to be then do they look for other children to love. And the same goes for one’s parents. If you do not get along well with your parents, would you divorce them and get new ones or just a mother or father. In that case, I m sure the choices will be many. Keep your mother but get another father.

Or is it that because they are relations of blood that we do not change them? Such relationships that even the modern, changing times cannot change? A mother of today, feels the same emotions for her child that a mother would have say 50, or 10 years ago. Her feelings are not going to differ. She is going to feel the same pain if her child fails and the same pleasure when he succeeds.

The passing of centuries cannot and have not changed that.

Then why does this love for the spouse keep on changing. People talk about being dissatisfied with their spouses. “He takes me for granted, doesn’t share my interests, doesn’t care for me.” Etc etc. Or He may have a complaint such as “She is not the same person whom I married, has become boring after the birth of our first born. She is not attractive anymore. She does not manage the home well.” And so on.

I am sure one can add a lot more to this list of dissatisfactions. I have cited just a few common ones. But one complaint that is almost universal with both the spouses is that “He or she is not the same person that I married anymore.”

I agree that all the above reasons are absolutely valid. We all and I say with almost a certainty that we all go through all or some of these. They are absolutely good enough reasons to drift away from the current relationship and get into affairs. Because at some point the incompatibility in your relationship glares back at you! And makes you want to strike out and hurt the other person badly. People say that they have done so much, but he or she just doesn’t understand. That is because of our selfishness, as in “I want this and you did not give me this”.

But there are a few questions that come to my mind when I think of such couples, their relationships and their expectations from these relationships with each other. And also what they expect from their new relationships.

The husband has changed and the wife too has changed after marriage and they have seen each other’s inner warts and are now feeling quite disgusted and disappointed. And they feel that this new person will be better a better person than their spouse. But for how long? How long will the euphoria last?

I think, not for long. It won’t take long for the mists to clear and for the rosy goggles to come off. This relationship too will follow a similar course as your earlier one, because, you as a person has not changed. You are still the same. You expected your spouse to accept you the way you are and when you felt that he or she did not, then you went out looking for someone who you thought would. You expected your spouse to change and dance to your tune. Maybe this person accepts you with all your quirks and kinks but there maybe things about her that you may not like….. that you come to know only after living with that person.

So what do you do? You go out once again on a never-ending search for that elusive soul-mate?

A person is a “soul-mate” or seems like one, only till you are at an arms length in the relationship.

I think that the only person who earns the right to be called a soul-mate is your partner, because he or she accepts you for what you are and stays with you despite your having being good or bad to her. And one who accepts you back within his or her embrace even after you have strayed !

I think with a little effort and maturity on the part of most couples, life can be made so much better. We as humans are never really going to be satisfied. Be it in our daily wants and desires, our business, finance or relationships.

What we need to do is to change our perspective and see life from our partner’s viewpoint also. A better understanding can always be reached and there is usually some room for improvement in your marriage.