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It takes a lot to smile

Someone once said that Smile is the easiest of things that can help solving problems...resolving differences.
On the contrary, smile was something that feels alien to her thesedays. Her heart felt like lead, life... like desert. She couldnt remember being so unhappy ever during the 24 years of her existance. It was like she'd lost the motivation to go on, ...like there was no longer a focus to her life...nothing felt important...nothing was good enough. It was scary.
Life had become monotonous...same routine...same arugments...similar fights...the self pity..feeling sorry for him...for those around them.
Deep inside her, she knew her life was to be this way for the rest of the years, superficially, she liked to believe that she'd come to terms with it, yet she found it difficult to accept. It was the feeling of helplessness that she hated. She wanted to change things for the better for both of them, but failed to understand what needed to be done. Would total...mindless submission would be the real solution to their problems? She knew that it was her fault that she'd begun to expect too much from him...from their relationship. Yes...it was her fault...she had changed. On retrospection, she realised that she had never been this sensitive, never so easily hurt...never expected so much..never this moody. Yes..it was her fault.
She wanted to go back and undo the damage that ahd been done. She wanted to love...love unconditionally...to smile..despite everything...it was so difficult. It takes a lot to smile.

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